Sunday, July 25, 2010

Here and There

We went out to the coast yesterday to hang out. The weather app on my phone said it was supposed to be sunny and 80 degrees. It was almost 90* when we left our house, and I was excited to play in the cool water. We got there, and the closer we got to the coast, you could literally watch the temperature gauge drop in the car. It ended up being only 60 degrees and way foggy---but ONLY on the sand, if you got out onto the roads, it was fine!

We went to our trusty Neskowin spot since it isn't frequented as much as the Lincoln City spots, but even that had a ton of cars! We found a spot and played anyway. It was cold, but it was fun. The sand was warm and there wasn't much wind.

I need to practic self pictures with this new camera- I don't have to hold it out so far and that's hard to remember!

Spitting out sand

Talking on the phone. hehe

I've also been going through some self-reflection? over the last few days. Having a little girl instead of a little baby has been really weird. We weaned off of the rest of the formula this past week and are just using regular milk, which seems like such a milestone.

It makes me realize what am absolute and utter struggle the past year has been, but as the saying goes, "this too, shall pass." Having a low milk supply really puts a lot of things in psycho girl perspective. You don't realize how difficult things are until you're out of them. Thinking about where I was this time last year is just insane. I thought I had it all together, that I was doing a good job with what I had been given, but really, I was struggling...badly. I wish I had been more aware of PPD and that the medication I had been on wasn't working- (I weaned myself off of it at 6 months realizing this, and hoped things would get better, but they didn't until about a month ago). I wish I had been more consistent with a lactation consultant (even though I feel it wouldn't have changed the problem, but maybe made the situation better in my eyes rather than taking it out on myself).

In addition to some severe health issues I was having at the time, I honestly don't know how I kept it together as well as I did.

So with a major door of caring for an infant closes, let's hope that the next infant door that may or may not open in the future is a better one. That if I come across the same postpartum depression, or major low milk supply, or both, that I'm proactive about keeping myself sane and happy, and if they do happen and things are out of my control, let's hope that I take them gracefully instead of resentfully toward myself. Afterall, I do have a happy, though non-giggly, healthy little girl running around my house wreaking havoc on everything she comes in contact with. What more could I ask for?

And one last thing, Drew and I have done some major budgeting, and once our student loans change over to incorporating spousal student loan debt as well as our own, it'll drop down our student loans enough that we should have a decent amount saved within 12-15 months to buy another house. We realized that our chances of selling our place (even for what we bought it for) are slim to none (condo board is having a difficult time getting the place FHA approved so anyone wanting to move in would have to have 20% down and no one does that anymore). So we'll end up renting this out, but we'll have enough to get a decent place over in West Salem assuming the market doesn't explode again in the next cross your fingers for us!


The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

I had ppd too and didn't get on meds until my little one was about 6 or 7 months old. Ugh. It really is awful. I'm so sorry you went through it and without adequate treatment. :( I can't imagine.

THanks for your story. I'll be following you!

Michele said...

You know, if you had lived closer to me it would have all been just right...well as long and some people weren't around. ;)
I think you are doing an incredible job! Love the photos! Love you!