To Cloth or Not?

I think this is more for me than for all y'alls. I just need to type out my thoughts and come back to it in a day or two and see if I feel the same.

I went to Jillian's Drawers where they have a $10/3 week trial of a bundle of different types of cloth diapers for you to try and see what you like best.  A little back story- back when I was 4-5 months pregnant, I got a layoff notice. We didn't know if I was going to have a job come Sept. and we didn't know if Drew was going to have a job at all.  I panicked.  A lady in my ward sold me her used cloth diapers so that I could at least clothe my naked baby come June.  So, I got them, found out I'd have at least a part time job, and once Ellie came, I used them for like 3 hours and she screamed whenever she was minutely wet.  I decided to hold off a little longer on them since people had graciously bought me lots of diapers.  About a week after having Elisabeth, I was offered full time back, and we still didn't know if Drew would have a job, so I took it- we needed it.  About a month later, we found out Drew WAS going to have a job, so the cloth diapering just went on hold.  I had a friend who has now disowned me- totally lame- who I felt was in a bit of a pinch. I sold my stash of diapers to her.  Afterward, I felt a bit remorseful about it.  I felt like I had made a mistake, that I should have kept them.

So the last year or so, I've been toying with the idea of just buying 1-2 diapers a month in preparation for a new baby.  I hadn't done a whole lot of research, just going off what people had told me.  I have one friend who has explained diapers I've never even heard of, which has been fabulous.  I've made an effort to educate myself on these diapers.

So here's the bottom line
Why I want to cloth diaper:

• I hate paying ~$45/month for diapers. 
• I hate having the boxes (although they do make great old clothes storage boxes)
• I hate paying for my specialty pooh holding bags
• I hate the smell of said pooh holders (although I can't imagine this necessarily being any better with cloth- it's inevitable, unless you're washing every day)
• I hate the thought that I'm "one of them" filling up the landfills with my nasty diapers
• I like the idea of having different colored diapers
• I love the idea of not having to constantly make trips to costco for diapers
• bottom line, really, it's the money.

So now that I've had these diapers in my home for a week, I think I know my answer to the diapering, but I'm kind of sad with it.  I want to love cloth.  I want it to work for me.  I like being good at things.  I don't mind stuffing little sheets of cotton into holes, it can be done while watching tv.  Tedious month after month? Sure, but if I knew I was doing something marvelously earth saving, while my baby was being taken good care of, it'd be worth it.

I have a couple of bummers that have happened this week, and if it were to be an ongoing thing, I know myself well enough to know I would stop soon after and revert back to the disposables.
So here's what I've noticed:

• With cloth, if I don't change E within 2.5 hours they leak. Doesn't matter what kind it is, it leaks. It did it on 2 different diapers this week (and keep in mind, she's at a babysitter from 730-330 every day, so really, I only get to try these out from 330pm-700am m-f, and all day sat and sun). - W/cloth, I could usually just feel how wet she was and change her depending on the sag factor. I know some hate this, but I think it's easier than watching the clock to make sure I get her change fast enough.
• They can't stand up to Ellie's nighttime wetting. She is a monster. I have double layered, triple layered, and anything more, the diaper just won't fit. The double layer she slept through and got everything soaked, but triple was so wet and uncomfortable, she was up by 3am. So we're back to her normal disposable nighttime diapers, it just isn't worth it.  If a new kid wets as much as she does, we won't have a choice but to keep them in disposable nighttime diapers as well.
• Diaper rash.  I know "NORMAL" kids don't get diaper rash nearly as often with cloth as disposables.  But be honest you guys, I'm the first to admit I have a mutant.  Look at me! She can't help it! She's prone to diaper rash no matter what I do, but tonight when Drew got her out of the tub, it's probably the worst I've seen it since she had diarrhea (sorry) a while back.  It's bad.  So bad that I'm thinking of just stopping right now.  It isn't worth hurting my baby's skin to continue to use them.  Maybe it was the specific diaper, but I honestly think it's the wadded up cloth in-between her legs that's actually agitating more than anything else.
• Bulkiness.  Holy crap these things have a mind of their own.  I don't have a "trim", "slim" baby. She hasn't been since the second she was conceived.  She already wears 2T-3T clothing depending on the brand, so when you get one of these diapers on her, the pants just don't fit.  I can't get them past her knees.  I'm not sure what I'd do after babylegs don't fit anymore during that chunky stage. The past couple of days, she's just waddled around in a diaper, but come winter, that'll be a problem.

So I'm at a crossroad.  It's like when I finally realized I couldn't do the triathlon this past weekend.  My leg just can't take the strain and continue to work for me.  It's not worth the damage it'll create.  So this cloth diapering dilemma boils down to- I want to do it, I would love to do it, but I just don't think it's the right choice for me and my babies.  I'm going to have big kids with naturally big butts, they can't handle mammoth cotton butts on top of it.  I have a sensitive skinned baby, and chances are, the next one will be as well. And cloth isn't working for them for some reason.

I also haven't figured out how you cleanly get the poopy diaper from their changing table in their room, to the toilet in the bathroom without some kind of flub-up.

My only consolation from feeling like a failure with trying cloth, is at least I tried, and tried several different types.  There's some that I really do like, but I just honestly don't seem them working for me in the long run.

I hate giving up on things. :(

Now for the good part if you made it this far----or if you're like me, if there's more than 2 sentences, I just skip to the pictures.  IF there aren't any pictures, I won't read your blog.  ...sorry... it's how I roll. teeheehee :)

I found a sucker in our pantry.  I let her have a lick :)

Chillin with her lambykins - my kid watches tv. I'm OK with it.  She watches good quality tunes like Toy Story...and...well, that's about it. :)  And since we don't have a remote to the dvd player that I can find, she watches the same 10 minutes over and over again. I should probably buy a new player....

bustin a grooove

I don't know if I should be excited or embarrassed that Elisabeth can now say Cookie- it sounds more like coo-ka, but it's cookie alright.  I made cookies today and they were divine.  She thought so too. :)  She's also gotten down "Thank you" and "mom" in sign language, so I can get her to sign thank you mom when I give her something.  Did I mention she can say thanks?  And she folds her arms to pray?  We also gave her a napkin to wipe her mouth the last couple of days which is pretty fun to see her mimic.  What a good little clone!