Saturday, April 2, 2011


I'm practicing being as kind to myself as I am to others, especially my baby.  This has been a struggle for me.  It's rewiring 29 years of life.  It may take that long to change, but small steps are still small steps in the right direction.  So I'd like to share some of my non-scale victories from the past few months of working very hard on me.

1. I can run. I can run 10 mins, 20, 30, 50, 60, much as I want...not can... I stopped at 68 minutes today because I felt like going home.  The sun was out, the air was crisp, it was a beautiful day, and I wanted to share it with my family.  I could have gone longer, but I chose to stop.  What a powerful feeling to CHOOSE to stop rather than HAVING to stop.  It made me feel wonderful.

2. I made a quiet goal with myself that I think I mentioned to Drew once in the past month.  I'm trying really hard to work on my self-esteem, and part of that process is figuring out things that would really make me happy.  They may be boring or silly to others, but they mean a lot to me.  One of those things was to unsubscribe from Lane Bryant emails because I just didn't need them anymore.  I did that this week.  Their smallest pants are baggy on me.  I still wear them because I feel like I'm inbetween sizes and I think I'll wait a little longer since summer is coming, and I have lots of summer shorts to wear instead.  But the fact is, I don't need them!  I can go into a regular store and expect things to fit the way I want them to...once again, very powerful and liberating.

3. One other thing with clothes- today I was on a mission to find clothing to match for our family pictures.  I was elated to realize that I didn't have to go to the women's section of any store...I could find something *I* wanted to wear that looked cute, and chances were, it would fit.  And it did!  I got another shirt just because it was cute, not because I had to get it because it was the only thing that fit.  I honestly don't think I've ever done that in my life.  I don't like making a big deal out of it, but internally I am so happy.

My scale has been teetering around the same set of numbers for 4 weeks now, and I realized who cares? I'm not competing with anyone, I'm already lower than what I had set out to accomplish back in December (and a year before that December as well).  I am strong, I am healthy, and I am confident that when my body is ready, the rest will go away.  I've noticed my legs are finally giving away some of their storage, which has ultimately been my biggest obstacle...and to know my body is finally responding is a very nice feeling. :)

I just thought I'd share. :)

I have some really cute pictures of Elisabeth munching away on cereal this morning, but I left the camera in the car, so you'll have to wait until later.  Sometimes I feel bad that all her pictures are of her sitting and eating, but that's seriously the only time I can get a non-fuzzy picture from her anymore.  If she isn't sitting to eat, she's going 3 million miles an hour to go do something.  I love her so much!


Michele said...

Congratulations! Seriously, I don't think there is anything better than knowing you are buying something cause you want it, not because it is the only option. I am SO proud of you. You are a inspiration to me - even if I do nothing about it right now. AWESOME JOB!!

Ben's Mom said...

You're a fantastically strong woman Maddy ;)Your daughter has a wonderful model

Tamara said...

Maddy!!! OH Maddy, I love you, and this is SO friggin awesome. We all tend to do things for the wrong reasons SO MUCH of the time, and not that my opinion matters one iota, but I think it is SO wonderful that you are doing things and appreciating things that are so powerful and meaningful to YOU. You are awesome. I love you!! :)

Suki said...

I love these kinds of posts! It reminds me that the little things are worth celebrating.

It is so so so awesome to hear you are running over an hour now!! I am so very impatient to start running again -- I never thought I'd say that!